The Grief Wave: Shadows, Silence, and Survival

From hidden grief and teen lifelines to the Cold War of hostages and headlines, this week traces the cost of loss.

Author

Brian Stefan
August 19, 2025

🧭 TL;DR | This Week at a Glance

👩‍💻 Kashmir Hill
NYT tech reporter on privacy and surveillance. Her latest: AI chatbots and their delusions.

📝 Grief 101: The Grief That Has No Name
When society refuses to witness certain losses, grief becomes invisible.

🎭 Catharsis Theater for Loss & Grief Relief
Aug 30, Los Angeles. Our 40th gathering since 2023.

🐒 Chimp Moms & Human Language
NPR on the striking parallels between primate and human communication.

🏥 VA Staffing Crisis
Every U.S. VA Medical Center faces severe shortages.

🌈 Teen Line & LGBTQ+ Youth
LA Times reports on lifesaving resources for kids in crisis.

📖 Political Grief, Human Poker, and the New Cold War (Released Today)
A new book on Russia’s decade-long game of manipulation and weaponizing loss.

🕯 HOPE Group
Aug 30, Online. Mindfulness and suicidal struggle with Patrick Park.

🍃 Wildwomxn Retreat
Aug 23, Los Angeles. Ritual, song, and nature for grief and resilience.

🤝 Mindful Self-Compassion
Starts Sep 4. Eight-week hybrid program with Lisa Kring.

🎉 Jack Kornfield & Trudy Goodman’s 80th
Sep 27, Hybrid. A joyful celebration of two beloved mindfulness teachers.

🌊 California Grief Center
Therapy, groups, and training for every stage of the grief journey.

💌 Dear friends of The Grief Wave,

Circular logo of the California Grief Center featuring a stylized ocean wave in shades of blue. The outer ring contains the words “California Grief Center” in bold white letters, separated by diamond-shaped dots.

Facing the hurt — together.

This week’s stories range from AI’s distortions of truth to the hidden chambers of grief that society too often ignores. They remind us that what seems invisible, whether in technology, mourning, or politics, still shapes how we live, love, and heal.

We begin with Kashmir Hill, whose reporting pulls back the curtain on privacy and surveillance. Then we turn toward disenfranchised grief, the losses that remain unacknowledged but no less painful.

You’ll also find a gathering place to share your own grief, urgent stories from our culture, and upcoming retreats and celebrations that remind us healing can be collective.

👩‍💻 Kashmir Hill: Watching the Watchers

Trusted voice at The New York Times, helping us navigate the complexities of privacy in a digital age.

"Black-and-white headshot of a woman with shoulder-length hair, wearing earrings, looking directly at the camera."

Kashmir Hill, features writer on the business desk at The New York Times, covering technology and privacy

Kashmir Hill is a journalist whose reporting exposes the hidden costs of technology and surveillance. With clarity and persistence, she shows how powerful systems shape — and distort — the fabric of our daily lives.

Her latest article asks: What happens when AI chatbots hallucinate and deceive, even as they shape how millions experience truth and connection?

Thank you, Kashmir, for helping us see more clearly in a world clouded by distortion.

📝 Grief 101: The Grief That Has No Name

Without recognition, grief slips beneath the surface, unseen yet deeply felt.

"Portrait of an older man with gray hair and a beard, wearing a dark suit, light blue shirt, and red patterned tie, standing outdoors."

Kenneth J. Doka, PhD, MDiv, Senior Vice President of Grief Programs at Hospice Foundation of America (HFA) and the recipient of the 2019 Lifetime Achievement Award from the Association of Death Education and Counseling (ADEC)

Kenneth Doka named this disenfranchised grief — mourning that society refuses to acknowledge. These losses may involve miscarriage, the death of an ex-partner, the passing of a beloved pet, or the loss of a future once imagined.

Silence does not make the grief lighter. It often deepens it.

This week’s essay explores why disenfranchised grief lingers, how it harms, and what it means to finally name and witness these invisible sorrows.

🎭 Labor Day Weekend: Catharsis Theater for Loss & Grief Relief

Saturday, August 30, 2025 | Culver City, CA | 1:30–4:30 PM

"Interior of a small theater space with blue and gold tasseled curtains opening to a stage area, a framed 'Sweet Pepper' play poster on the wall, pendant lights, and a patterned bench in the foreground."

The Blue Door Theater, Downtown Culver City

For anyone carrying loss — past, present, or anticipated — this gathering offers a place to be witnessed, to release, and to feel less alone.

Not everyone has access to one-on-one therapy. Catharsis Theater provides immediate relief from the pressure and exhaustion of grief. A trauma-informed, psychodrama-inspired space for truth-telling and collective healing.

Our 40th gathering since 2023. Hosted with gratitude by ArtsUp! LA.

🐒 Chimp Moms & Human Language

NPR highlights new research on the roots of communication.

"Close-up of a young chimpanzee looking directly at the camera, with another chimpanzee slightly blurred in the background."

A baby chimpanzee sits with mother at Dublin Zoo on Sept. 21, 2005. (Cathal McNaughton/PA Images via Getty Images)

In Uganda, researchers found young chimpanzees learn vocal and gestural communication primarily from their mothers.

This maternal imprint reveals how the language of care and attention echoes across species, suggesting human communication may be rooted in these same ancient bonds.

🏥 VA Staffing Crisis

A national emergency in veteran care.

"Map of the United States showing VA facilities with severe staff shortages. Red circles mark facility locations, with larger circles indicating greater shortages. Shortages are widespread, with heavy clustering in the Northeast, Southeast, Midwest, and California."

The recent report said there were 4,434 "severe occupational staffing shortages" in the 2025 fiscal year at VHA facilities. This marked a 50 percent increase from the 2024 fiscal year.

The VA’s independent watchdog reported “severe occupational staffing shortages” at nearly every facility in 2025 — over 4,400 roles left critically unfilled. Physicians, nurses, and essential staff are missing from the very places veterans turn to for care.

Veterans’ groups and unions warn that millions who served are left vulnerable. This is grief too: the grief of broken promises.

🌈 Teen Line & LGBTQ+ Kids

When official support is cut, young people create lifelines for one another.

"Group of teen volunteers in a call center, smiling and working together at computer stations. One girl wears headphones while others look on, and another holds up a phone that says 'You are not alone' on her hoodie."

Teen Line volunteers at the Didi Hirsch Suicide Prevention Center provide peer support for young people in crisis.

With federal funding slashed, LGBTQ+ teens face shrinking access to mental health support. In response, Teen Line (a program run by Didi Hirsch) has become a crucial resource. Trained teen volunteers answered nearly 9,000 calls, texts, and emails last year, offering peers a listening ear when they need it most.

Sometimes the act of being heard is enough to keep someone alive.

📖 Political Grief, Human Poker, and the New Cold War

In hostage diplomacy, grief becomes a bargaining chip.

"Book cover of Swap: A Secret History of the New Cold War by Drew Hinshaw and Joe Parkinson. The title appears in large red letters across a black-and-white image of people being exchanged on a giant chessboard, with the U.S. Capitol on the left and Moscow’s St. Basil’s Cathedral on the right."

Drew Hinshaw and Joe Parkinson, authors of Swap and part of the Wall Street Journal’s award-winning international investigative team

In Swap, Drew Hinshaw and Joe Parkinson trace Russia’s decade-long manipulation game. Families wait by silent phones while world leaders trade human lives like poker chips, turning sorrow into strategy.

The lesson is stark: in today’s Cold War, suffering itself has become a currency. And no one at the table seems ready to fold.

🕯️ HOPE Group: Sitting With the Unbearable—Mindfulness & Suicidal Struggle (with Patrick Park)

Virtual (Zoom) | Saturday, August 30 | 10:00–11:30 AM PT

“Graphic with the words ‘HOPE Group: Healing Ourselves through the Present Experience’ in colorful, elegant fonts, above a green leafy branch illustration on a light background.”

HOPE for all.

Since 2020, HOPE has been a refuge from chaos, offering space for reflection and presence. This month’s theme: mindfulness, deep suffering, and sitting with suicide, with guest Patrick Park, a senior Zen teacher.

Donation-based and open to all.

💛 Donation-based & open to all

🍃 Wildwomxn: Honoring Grief, Awakening Gratitude

Retreat Day | Saturday, August 23 | 10:00 AM – 5:00 PM | Benedict Canyon, LA

Person with long, straight brown hair and a calm expression, wearing a white shirt and standing outdoors with a soft-focus natural background.

Alexis Slutzky has over a decade of experience gently guiding individuals and communities through grief and change with empathy, humor, and deep insight.

Led by Alexis Slutzky, this day of ritual, journaling, nature, and song explores how grief deepens our hearts. For female-identified and non-binary individuals.

Suggested donation: $75–$150.

🗓 Saturday, August 23 | 10 AM–5 PM | Benedict Canyon

🤝 Mindful Self-Compassion 8-week Program (Hybrid: In-person & Virtual)

Starting Thursday, September 4 | 6:00 PM – 8:30 PM PT | Benedict Canyon, LA & Virtual

A woman with long dark hair, wearing a sleeveless white top and a silver necklace, smiles warmly while standing in front of a light-colored brick wall.

Lisa Kring, LCSW, is a senior InsightLA teacher for over 15 years, leading classes such as MBSR, Mindful Self- Compassion, Awakening Joy, and Basics of Mindfulness.

Taught by Lisa Kring, this evidence-based course blends Buddhist wisdom and clinical research to help you meet suffering with kindness. Includes guided meditations, discussions, and practical tools for emotional resilience. CE credits available.

Fee: $600 | With CEs: $685.

🎉 A Joyful Celebration: Honoring the 80th Birthdays of Jack Kornfield & Trudy Goodman

Saturday, September 27, 2025 | 2:00–5:00 PM PT

Jack Kornfield and Trudy Goodman smiling closely together on a sunny day, with Trudy wearing a large blue sunhat and Jack in a light purple shirt.

Jack Kornfield and Trudy Goodman—beloved teachers, partners, and pioneers in mindfulness—sharing a joyful moment ahead of their 80th birthday celebration.

Guided presence, shared stories, and gratitude for two beloved mindfulness teachers. Proceeds support InsightLA’s mission of access, equity, and care.

📅 Saturday, September 27 | 2:00–5:00 PM PT | Santa Monica + Live Online

🌊 Get Help from the California Grief Center

“Smiling bald man, Brian Stefan, with a beard wearing a suit jacket and open-collar shirt, pictured against a light blue background.”

Brian Stefan, LCSW
Founder & Clinical Director
California Grief Center

You do not have to grieve alone. Whether you have lost someone, lost your way, or carry unspoken sorrow, there is a place for you here.

What We Offer:

  • Grief Therapy (in-person and virtual)

  • Catharsis Theater (monthly gatherings)

  • Virtual Support Groups (confidential and facilitated)

  • Grief Counselor Training (Fall 2025)

Our Philosophy: We do not treat grief as a problem. We treat it as a passage.
Consultations are always free.

💛 With care,
Brian Stefan, LCSW
Founder & Clinical Director
California Grief Center

✅ P.S. Know someone quietly grieving?
👉 Forward this letter. You never know who needs it.
💌 To get these in your inbox, sign up for The Grief Wave Newsletter.

“Logo of the California Grief Center featuring a stylized ocean wave in light and dark blue, encircled by a blue ring with the words ‘California Grief Center’ in white capital letters.”

Facing the hurt — together.